Nothing Like A Good Excuse

When you are the sole wage earner for your household, you tend to place the value of  employment pretty high. When I was a single mom, I became an expert at finding  resources to take care of kids; all of life’s little time suckers, really. I knew how to manipulate the international dateline and coordinate a well-timed lunch hour to achieve maximum results. Any time my kid was too sick to go it alone, or a meeting required a time slot in my work schedule, a huge lump of worry would build up in my gut. I can’t lose this job.

My last employer taught me family should be a priority. It is ok to take the time for family or call in sick when you really need to. He also taught me that sometimes you just need a moment for yourself to have coffee with a friend or take a walk. I never felt the need to call in “Sick” while I worked there. One of my favorite lessons was “The Beauty of a Good Excuse”. He would frequently come in a few minutes late with tales of people that side tracked his time.  Many a turkey sandwich had trypt him into an afternoon siesta.

For fun, I like to use outlandish stories to excuse the effects of habitual procrastination: Like, my dog ate my alarm clock, or Elvis was in the checkout line and I had to fight my way through a mob just to get to my car. These obvious falsehoods pad the tardiness with a punchline and remind the people in waiting that life happens.

My favorite excuses are the very real ones though, like this mornings:
“It all started about 5:30 this morning when I turned on the computer to check my emails. Before I knew what hit me, I had been swept up by a WWW Whirlwind. It sucked me deep into layers of sticky web BS: status updates, fake news, and reworded articles on what I should finally be eating to lose that last 10 pounds. When I finally came out of my blog blackout, it was almost a quarter to eight.”

I was quickly reminded of that feeling you get when you come into class late; where it feels like everyone stops what they are doing to shoot disgusted glares your direction. “Who is your mother? Or were you raised by street hooligans?” I’m sure it’s all in my head; they’re not staring. They are used to me being late by now. Plus, they know my mother; so, they understand where it all went wrong. Still, I figured I had better look my best if all eyes could be on me. So, I stepped in the shower and prepared for a fashionably late arrival.

Some of you might be thinking “What a terrible work ethic!” SHH! Quiet! My boss might hear you and find out I am typing this on the company’s dime. Probably a good thing I took that extra time to be fashionably late. I might need my good looks in the unemployment line.


Header artwork by: Kyle’s Art, can be found at: @KyleandFriendspt.2

Procrastination art: Still looking for artist and source, maybe deviant art

3 thoughts on “Nothing Like A Good Excuse

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