Whether you follow yours religiously or refuse to put stock in them, Rob Brezsny’s horoscopes are sure to inspire. If you enjoy them, check out his Beauty and Truth website, and his one of a kind book, Pronoia, a beautiful theory that the world is conspiring on your behalf.
Without further ado, please enjoy the only horoscope I will ever read:
FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
Week beginning April 27
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “One of the advantages of being disorderly,”
said author A. A. Milne, “is that one is constantly making exciting
discoveries.” I wouldn’t normally offer this idea as advice to a methodical
dynamo like you. But my interpretation of the astrological omens compels
me to override my personal theories about what you need. I must suggest
that you consider experimenting with jaunty, rambunctious behavior in
the coming days, even if it generates some disorder. The potential
reward? Exciting discoveries, of course.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): According to my reading of the astrological
omens, it’s time for you to take a break from the magic you have been
weaving since your birthday in 2016. That’s why I’m suggesting that you
go on a brief sabbatical. Allow your deep mind to fully integrate the
lessons you’ve been learning and the transformations you have undergone
over the past eleven months. In a few weeks, you’ll be ready to resume
where you left off. For now, though, you require breathing room. Your
spiritual batteries need time to recharge. The hard work you’ve done
should be balanced by an extended regimen of relaxed playtime.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Apparently, a lot of kids in the UK don’t like
to eat vegetables. In response, food researchers in that country marketed
a variety of exotic variations designed to appeal to their palate. The new
dishes included chocolate-flavored carrots, pizza-flavored corn, and
cheese-and-onion-flavored cauliflower. I don’t recommend that you get
quite so extreme in trying to broaden your own appeal, Cancerian. But see
if you can at least reach out to your potential constituency with a new
wrinkle or fresh twist. Be imaginative as you expand the range of what
your colleagues and clientele have to choose from.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In speaking about the arduous quest to become
one’s authentic self, writer Thomas Merton used the example of poets
who aspire to be original but end up being imitative. “Many poets never
succeed in being themselves,” he said. “They never get around to being
the particular poet they are intended to be by God. They never become
the person or artist who is called for by all of the circumstances of their
individual lives. They waste their years in vain efforts to be some other
poet. They wear out their minds and bodies in a hopeless endeavor to
have somebody else’s experiences or write somebody else’s poems.” I
happen to believe that this is a problem for non-poets, as well. Many of us
never succeed in becoming ourselves. Luckily for you, Leo, in the coming
weeks and months you will have an unprecedented chance to become
more of who you really are. To expedite the process, work on dissolving
any attraction you might have to acting like someone other than yourself.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): On numerous occasions, French acrobat
Charles Blondin walked across a tightrope that spanned the gorge near
Niagara Falls. His cable was three and a quarter inches in diameter, 1,100
feet long, and 160 feet above the Niagara River. Once he made the entire
crossing by doing back flips and somersaults. Another time he carried a
small stove on his back, stopped midway to cook an omelet, and ate the
meal before finishing. Now would be an excellent time for you to carry out
your personal equivalent of his feats, Virgo. What daring actions have you
never tried before even though you’ve been sufficiently trained or
educated to perform them well?
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Ready for some subterranean journeys? They
may not involve literal explorations of deep caverns and ancient tunnels
and underground streams. You may not stumble upon lost treasure and
forgotten artifacts and valuable ruins. But then again, you might. At the
very least, you will encounter metaphorical versions of some of the
above. What mysteries would you love to solve? What secrets would be
fun to uncover? What shadows would you be excited to illuminate?
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Why would you guzzle mind-clouding
moonshine when you will eventually get a chance to sip a heart-reviving
tonic? Why spoil your appetite by loading up on non-nutritious hors
d’oeuvres when a healthy feast will be available sooner than you imagine?
I advise you to suppress your compulsion for immediate gratification. It
may seem impossible for you to summon such heroic patience, but I know
you can. And in the long run, you’ll be happy if you do.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “You’ll always be my favorite what-if.”
Many years ago, I heard that phrase whispered in my ear. It came from
the mouth of a wonderful-but-impossible woman. We had just decided
that it was not a good plan, as we had previously fantasized, to run away
and get married at Angkor Wat in Cambodia and then spend the next
decade being tour guides who led travelers on exotic getaways to the
world’s sacred sites. “You’ll always be my favorite what-if” was a poignant
but liberating moment. It allowed us to move on with our lives and pursue
other dreams that were more realistic and productive. I invite you to
consider triggering a liberation like that sometime soon.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): I’d love to see you increase the number of
people, places, and experiences you love, as well as the wise intensity
with which you love them. From an astrological perspective, now is an
excellent time to upgrade your appreciation and adoration for the whole
world and everything in it. To get you in the mood, I’ll call your attention
to some unfamiliar forms of ardor you may want to pursue: eraunophilia,
an attraction to thunder and lightning; cymophilia, a fascination with
waves and waviness; chorophilia, a passion for dancing; asymmetrophilia,
a zeal for asymmetrical things; sapiophilia, an erotic enchantment with
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You could go online and buy an antique
Gothic throne or a psychedelic hippie couch to spruce up your living room.
For your bathroom, you could get a Japanese “wonder toilet,” complete
with a heated seat, automated bidet, and white noise generator. Here’s
another good idea: You could build a sacred crazy altar in your bedroom
where you will conduct rituals of playful liberation. Or how about this?
Acquire a kit that enables you to create spontaneous poetry on your
refrigerator door using tiny magnets with evocative words written on
them. Can you think of other ideas to revitalize your home environment?
It’s high time you did so.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Among America’s 50 states, Texas has the
third-highest rate of teenage pregnancies. Uncoincidentally, sex education
in Texas is steeped in ignorance. Most of its high schools offer no
teaching about contraception other than to advise students to avoid sex.
In the coming weeks, Pisces, you can’t afford to be as deprived of the
truth as those kids. Even more than usual, you need accurate information
that’s tailored to your precise needs, not fake news or ideological
delusions or self-serving propaganda. Make sure you gather insight and
wisdom from the very best sources. That’s how you’ll avoid behavior
that’s irrelevant to your life goals. That’s how you’ll attract experiences
that serve your highest good.
ARIES (March 21-April 19): I have misgivings when I witness bears riding
bicycles or tigers dancing on their hind legs or Aries people wielding
diplomatic phrases and making careful compromises at committee
meetings. While I am impressed by the disciplined expression of primal
power, I worry for the soul of the creature that is behaving with such
civilized restraint. So here’s my advice for you in the coming weeks: Take
advantage of opportunities to make deals and forge win-win situations.
But also keep a part of your fiery heart untamed. Don’t let people think
they’ve got you all figured out.
FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
Copyright 2017 by Rob Brezsny
I almost used this picture, but it wouldn’t fit. But then I thought, why not give a shout out to the guy any ways. The tree of life picture was found in google search, traced to the The Shining Stranger, original artist unknown. The Shining Stranger is a blog about the unorthodox interpretation of Jesus and his mission, along with other esoteric ponderings. So completely unrelated to horoscopes, but I’m confident he’ll forgive my use of the picture. 🙂